Saturday, July 25, 2009

Sweet relief

Thank you all for the well wishes. We are adjusting at home with Baker's little brother. I was scheduled for a repeat C-section on July 6, but started having mild contractions a few days before. We went to the hospital to make sure everything was OK (it was), and we made the decision to deliver then at 38 weeks. I was scared and shaking uncontrollably during surgery prep, but then Alden started yelling as soon as his little golden head poked out-such sweet relief for his anxious parents. 7 pounds 12 ounces, 21 inches long. He was checked out on a warmer next to my head, then swaddled and placed on my chest while I was sewn up. He stared at us with bright blue eyes and stuck his tongue out. We all went to recovery together, and he rode on my chest to the maternity floor. He never left my sight until his bath nearly 24 hrs after his birth. It was exactly how I hoped this birth experience would go.

The relative ease of my pregnancy with Alden and his birth-in the sense that it was another normal, healthy fullterm pregnancy-makes me realize what a waste it was to lose Baker. He could so easily be here-he should be here-if not for what was likely an unknown, unseen kink in the cord. Similar pregnancies, similar babies, but completely different outcomes.

Now, existing alongside the weight of Baker's loss, is a palpable joy. Our home is often loud with our grunting boy. We piece together enough sleep to get by. We happily diaper and nurse and take stroller walks. We are honoring Baker and raising Alden and finding ways to include both boys in our family.

18 comments:

Samaria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samaria said...

You know, I delivered my son because his fluid levels were dangerously low, the exact same thing with my daughter(except when we found out it was too late). My son is here and I am so happy but I am so so pained to know my baby girl didn't have to die. I am torn apart daily thinking about it.

forwardtumble said...

he's beautful and what you write is just so soothing for my ears, thank you for sharing.

xx Ines

Lachlan's Mum said...

Alden is just beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It does seem like such a waste for Baker, or any other babies to die. Ten perfect little fingers, a little nose, little feet - everything there, ready to go. I'm sorry Baker isn't there to cuddle Alden, but am so glad that Alden's birth went so smoothly and that he is such a sweet little boy.

Mrs. Spit said...

It was, and is a waste. Loss of life always is. Alden is beautiful and wonderful, and all things good, but I will not tell you that it should not hurt that Baker is not here.

Mirne said...

They should be here ... all those beautiful babies. Sometimes babies die for no reason at all ... they are perfect and they should have lived :-(

Alden looks absolutely gorgeous.

Lani said...

he is so beautiful and peaceful. thank you dalene for sharing all that you are going through in missing baker and loving alden.
xo
lots of love to the 3 of you

Mira said...

What a beautiful boy - glad to hear an update from you, I'd been wondering how this month had passed for you. Thinking of both of your boys, often.

Hope's Mama said...

What a sweet gift he is. Both your boys are.
So happy to read here again.

k@lakly said...

Oh he's a beaut! I love the hand on the face. I wish his big brother was here, as he should be, to revel in him as we do. Thinking of you and both your boys.
xxoo

erica said...

I'm so glad that there's joy in your house now. Alden is just beautiful, and I'm so glad he's safely with you. I wish his big brother were, too.

Shannon Ryan said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us! Alden is just darling!!

apecaut said...

Congratulations! Alden is a GORGEOUS little guy! I'm sorry that his big brother couldn't be here with him. (((Hugs)))

Jay said...

Oh...he is gorgeous!

Inanna said...

A beautiful boy with a beautiful name... I think he looks like his brother, don't you?

Fireflyforever said...

He is adorable - just like his big brother. Love to your two beautiful boys.

CLC said...

What a beautiful boy!

My son was delivered at the same gestational age, weighing almost the same weight as my daughter. I had the same feelings- why did she have to die? She had a stupid kink in the cord too.

I wish we could both cuddle all of our children at the same time. It still feels unreal.

Just Breathe said...

Beautiful son. Enjoy