Monday, September 21, 2009

Making the Connections

We have had a wonderful summer with the boy. I am back at work now, and our lives are accelerating back towards warp speed. In between, we try to get to the farm. We have had Alden to the house three times now, and plan to be up frequently this fall. He is a happy baby, and he really loves the farm - he sleeps better, smiles wider, and seems more peaceful. He's probably just picking up vibes from his Mom and Dad.

Our relationship with our grief and with Baker has really changed, and I don't yet have the tools at hand to describe the difference. We are experiencing another turn of the Earth without Baker, but this time we are joined by his pudgy little brother who has soothed us.

I think about Baker all the time, still, and wonder what Alden's relationship to his missing brother will be. I wish they could be together in the flesh, but I know that can never be.

More even than Baker's grave, I think the farm will be Alden's link to his brother. The farm represents a time in our lives, and a need unmet, and a hope for the future. We have already started weaving Alden into that narrative.

In the spring, my siblings wanted to give us a bush or a tree to commemorate Baker's birthday at the farm. Others had done that for us, and two tree saplings are planted hopefully along the edge of the woods.

I encouraged my family to let some time pass for us to lay out a blueberry patch that over time would grow and thrive and extract nutrients from the soil to nourish our bodies and souls.

This past weekend, with Baker's little brother looking on, sleeping, crying, grunting, smiling, I laid out the two beds of the patch, and prepared the site. Baker's blueberry patch will be planted in the spring, perhaps with aunts and uncles and cousins there with shovels and gloves. This place, and this food, will be one of the connections for Alden.

8 comments:

Mira said...

So very glad to see an update from you Chris. I've wondered how you and Dalene are doing, how Alden has been. So happy to hear Alden has been at the farm - it's what I'd imagined. As always you so eloquently honor both of your sons. Be well, M

Just Breathe said...

It's nice to hear from you. Happy that Alden is helping with your grief. Let's see some pictures.
Just love the farm.

Hope's Mama said...

So nice to hear from you all. Been thinking of you lots, hoping the months had been treating you well.
New picture of Alden? Pretty please?

Shannon Ryan said...

what a great way to connect the brothers!! love the blueberry patch idea too!!

Tash said...

There will be connections, some tangible and visible like blueberries, and others that are unspoken but deeply and beautifully felt. Alden will understand, believe me.

It's lovely to hear from you again.

erica said...

The connections you're making are beautiful. I am wishing you a future of the most delicious blueberries ever.

Cara said...

Yes, the next phase of your journey has begun. Thinking of you as you ride it through and will get that box out to you this weekend...

namastemom said...

I've been waiting for you guys to post something. I'm so happy that alden is here and you guys are getting used to each other. Been thinking about you.